This part describes the reasons why Lori chose to become Melvin's support person, how their relationship has developed, and what characterizes their relationship today.
A Staff Person
Lori Salerno is in her early thirties and has a degree in special education. She had been a staff person at the apartment where Melvin lives for a while when she started working with him. When the agency arranged for his "retirement program" Melvin asked Lori if she wanted to change jobs and work with him instead of doing the shifts at the apartment. Lori agreed to take the job although it meant a cut in both pay and benefits for her. She had more than one reason for wanting to change jobs. She liked Melvin and wanted to be able to spend more time with him. She also told me she had found it hard to work in the apartment because she could not devote enough time to the people who lived there. There were all these tasks that needed to be done and not much time for individual contact with each person. Lori was also tired of the shift work, the long hours (many of the shifts are 12 hours), and evening and weekend shifts meant she didn't have much time with her husband. Thus, many of Lori's reasons to take the job as Melvin's support person were practical reasons that did not have all that much to do with Melvin.
A Friend
After almost three years of working with Melvin, Lori has become very close to him and I have watched how their relationship has grown closer over the course of the study. They have been through both hard times and good times which have served to strengthen their relationship. At this point Lori's attitude toward Melvin is characterized by care and commitment. This is mutual, as Melvin also cares deeply about Lori and regards her as his closest friend. Their relationship has little resemblance to what one typically thinks of as a client/staff relationship. A better way is to describe it as a close friendship. It is hard to describe the relationship between Melvin and Lori without sounding sentimental and being suspected of over-romanticizing. Taking this risk, I would describe their relationship as being characterized by closeness, commitment, respect, support, and humor. The stereotype of people with disabilities as needy, dependent, passive, helpless, sick, and in need of being taken care off makes it difficult to perceive them as being able to make contributions and give to others. Contrary to this stereotype, all the characteristics of Melvin's and Lori's relationship are mutual. That is, despite Melvin's severe disabilities and inability to do a number of things, he makes significant contributions to the relationship in terms of closeness, commitment, respect, support, and humor. What may sound most surprising in this context is the mutuality of support. Lori is the one who is being paid to provide support to Melvin and, as will be demonstrated later in this paper, she does provide him with assistance crucial to his participation in community life. Yet, the fact is that Melvin has become a significant source of support in Lori's life. Lori went through a very difficult period in her personal life about a year ago. Not only was Melvin a very sympathetic listener and provided Lori with warmth and emotional support, he also initiated and organized support from other people and helped Lori make some of the difficult decisions she had to make through this ordeal. Lori deeply appreciates Melvin's support and how he stood by her during these difficulties. Thus, although it is quite apparent how dependent Melvin is on Lori's support, a closer look reveals a relationship that is characterized by mutuality rather than dependency.